Neurodivergence

AWE-tism Acceptance – Day 8

Yesterday we began to examine how we form our views on parenting. I ended with some more things for you to ponder…about just how helpful what we learned from our parents was. But I said that there was an even bigger influence. So today we will look at how…

Society affects us as parents.

PanKwake and I went to the leisure centre with our home education friends yesterday including some pool/bath/shower time. I have begun to allow her more independence as long as she is with her best friend. And I used that time for the luxury of a soak in the spa/hot tub.

There was a young mother and her two or three year old daughter in there with me. The little girl had a float ring and was beginning to practice swimming. Her mother kept scolding her…telling her not to splash.

It’s the friggin’ pool! Where else are kids supposed to splash? How else will that child ever learn to swim without splashing around a bit?

But that is just it…our society has become so child unfriendly that parents either…feel they have to apologize for their children just being children…or the parents check out emotionally…burying themselves on phones, computers and tablets while their children fend for themselves.

Neither is emotionally/psychologically healthy…for the parent or the child.

Of course people will always say stupid things like…

  • When I was a child, my mama would have slapped me if I…
  • Kids today don’t know how to act (oh…that argument has been around since Plato)…
  • If that was my child, he’d straighten up and fly right…
  • Or worse yet…those stares.

The thing is that today we know more about psychology (what makes us happy), child development and the brain than ever before. BUT we just keep doing the same old crap that screwed us up, put us on happy pills, or causes us to reach for that bottle of wine. We keep doing it to our children! Even when there is evidence based research showing better…kinder…gentler…methods that do work.

Instead parents are inundated with the message…

CONTROL YOUR CHILD!

So when you have a child who cannot be controlled…one with Pathological Demand Avoidance…

It can be even tougher.

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This one made me see RED. 

And it never stops…

  • From popular television shows that bring in an ‘expert’, make radical changes, and then just disappear…with no care about the long term mental health of the children or the family…just ratings and advertising $$$.
  • To strangers on the streets who probably would not dare to mention if your fly was open, but have absolutely no reservation about telling you how to discipline your child…without knowing a thing about autism…or even the ones that do, still don’t know your child and her triggers, likes/dislikes, and self-soothing strategies.
  • Even online…Facebook is horrid! The memes….Dogs welcome, Children must be on leashes. And people putting their children down…for the whole world to see!

WHY HAVE CHILDREN IF YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO GIVE YOUR ALL FOR THEM?

But yes…the pressure is intense….even on the best of parents. I will readily admit that every time we leave #HomeCrazzyHome, I go on to DefCon 5…Red Alert. I am constantly monitoring PanKwake, trying to head off any upset that might rock her little boat, and preparing for the worst. I say…

I can handle thing that PanKwake and PDA/AWE-tism can throw at me. It’s the world out there…people…that are my problem!

Unfortunately…that ain’t likely to change any time soon.

In the end, you and you alone have to make the choice…

Do what’s best/right for your child…or do what people want you to…

That is just part of this paradigm shift I am talking about…

And I’ll be honest…this is the one that I still struggle with. When I mess up and slip back into old patterns with PanKwake it is for one of two reasons…I am physically and/or mentally exhausted…or I am under extreme pressure from other people…experts, family, friends or even strangers. And I know better. I made my choice long ago…and it still is hard.

 

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