Neurodivergence · Random Thoughts

Rule of Love

This place earned its name yesterday…#HomeCrazzyHome!

Even as big as this place is (and it is HUGE) throw in a couple of dozen people, half of those kids, two autistic and others with what the ‘experts’ call traits…and it is a recipe for…

  • Fun…
  • A few squabbles…
  • Excitement…
  • A half dozen or so meltdowns…
  • Good food…
  • Laughter…
  • Water fights…
  • And did I mention…Love!

I feel incredibly humbled and blessed. Even PanKwake says I am a real live Cinderella. From a dinky two-bedroom flat in loud, smelly, unfriendly London…to a seven-bedroom mansion full of friends and the people I love most. But this Cinderella feels intensely the need to pass it on…to share the largess…of hope and love.

One of the ways that is most important for me is to create a truly neurodiverse friendly environment. A place where everyone feels comfortable enough to take off their polite masks that they were issued somewhere between birth and graduation…the ones that are especially troublesome for those on the autistic spectrum to understand and manage.

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Our coat RACK (a re-used computer one if you are not a techie) screams the uniqueness of our #HomeCrazzyHome when you walk in the door.

To leave it all on the coat RACK by the front door. And be free to be themselves however loud, however many meltdowns, strong opinions welcomed, differences not just tolerated but celebrated. Whether that is one of our big parties or just one-on-one, it does not matter.

I tell the kidz…that there is only one rule at Auntie T’s house…

Don’t hurt yourself or others.

But lately that one has been stretched…as one child’s needs have come into conflict with another’s. Of course, then it is the adult’s (meaning me usually) responsibility to mediate between them. But trying to explain how not taking turns playing different things is hurting someone else is a bit theoretical for young minds.

Then as I stood in the kitchen yesterday with utter chaos and pandemonium…of the best kind…all around me…it came to me. The new rule of #HomeCrazzyHome.

The Rule of Love!

Because if you do things in love…then being fair becomes important…not bullying is essential…and of course you would never want to hurt yourself or others.

Honestly, I think that the Rule of Love is the heart of most religions…before man goes and screws things up with a lot of other rules to interpret that one.

The rule of love also means that you think of how your actions affect others. That does not mean you always have do what others want…what they think is fair or ‘right’. Because the truth is that sometimes we all need to put our needs first. Sometimes our needs are more urgent or pressing than someone else’s. And that is OK too. In other words…

Meltdowns not just accepted…but welcome.

So too is neurodiversity…

But the Rule of Love means you balance your needs in that moment with those of others. You think…even if only for a moment…is that more important to the other person than what I need right this minute? Is there some compromise? Some middle ground?

Is that change gonna be easy for PanKwake or her neurodivergent friends…for any child?

Probably not! But like advocating for herself and being proud of her autism, it is a life skill that will do her well.

Of course, now that I have introduced the concept to you I need to flesh it out a bit more…figure out how to explain it to the kids. I began that process last night with a bestie (who else would I let see #HomeCrazzyHome when it was such a mess?). But need a bit more thought on this one…maybe as I clean this mess up? But that is another rule…

Order out of chaos!

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2 thoughts on “Rule of Love

  1. That’s the one rule in our house: love… alias treat others as you want to be treated… alias love your neighbour as yourself… Simple – but very hard to put into practice sometimes!

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