Random Thoughts

Let It Go…My Way!

Sorry, I have not been around much. With two children and techie at #HomeCrazzyHome believe it or not, I don’t have access to a computer much of the time. Plus extra cleaning, cooking and the never-ending ‘I’m Bored’ chorus. Yes, radically unschooled children know that song too…because all the cool stuff they normally do are now packed full of school kids and we are stuck at home.┬áBut I have been missing you all…and this chance to unload…to share what is on my mind with the world…or no one…surprisingly it does not matter that much which.

This morning I am physically and emotionally tired. I made the second of three trip into/near enough London in a month. This one for the wedding of my son…the first one of my children to get married. It was nothing fancy just a civil ceremony at the Town Hall. They are doing the BIG wedding in China with her family.

But on the way back, I was thinking about life…how much I HATE London…regrets…and those times when no matter what you do, how hard you try, or anything…you can’t win. You just can’t change your situation. And I realized there was another instalment of ‘No One Is Coming.’ Because in the words of my favorite author…

I’m sorry to say so
but, sadly, it’s true
that Bang-ups

and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

Oh, The Places You’ll Go! by Dr Seuss is not your typical child’s book…though I highly recommend it as nightly reading to your child because it is in fact the best self-help and philosophy book I have ever read…and I have read LOTS of them. If you are not familiar with it, then I highly recommend you buy it. In fact, during one especially challenging period of my life, one of my goals…the Love goal in fact…was to read this book three times per week.

The truth is…

No Matter How Hard You Try…What You Do…

Sometimes…You Just CANNOT Win!

Even using the strategies that I gave you earlier with ‘No One Is Coming…’

  • To recognize that no one is going to save you but you…
  • Then to educate yourself…
  • To think outside the box…because in fact there is no box…
  • And then to help one another.

I believe that. All of it. Yet, there will still be times, situations…problems that just cannot be solved.

As I made my escape from the noise, smells and people of near London, I was reminded of my own failings…and knew that I had to share this final step…when all else fails…with you.

Come to think of it…Disney ain’t bad at self-help and philosophy either.

This is one of my favorite Disney songs and what I consider the Autism Anthem. At its core, it is about…

ACCEPTANCE!

It is like the Serenity prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr…

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

And there are situations…times…when we just CANNOT win. The wisdom to know when we are beaten and the serenity to ACCEPT those things that we cannot change is also a key to happiness.

I know because London was my Waterloo…one of my biggest defeats and darkest days. In fact, less than three months before I met Cookie Monster, I faced just such a moment.

I had been trying for years…over five and the last two seriously…to get PanKwake and I out of London. Home to America was my first choice, but just out of London…anywhere would have done. In fact, Wales and Swansea was on my list…recommended by a friend. But NOTHING worked.

We were stuck in a place I hated. Too loud. Too smelly. With too many nasty people. And nothing I tried helped…I could not save myself or my child.

Do you know what I did?

I accepted it. Yes, I A-C-C-E-P-T-E-D defeat. That I was helpless and powerless to change our SITUATION.

But that did not mean I had to be miserable.

That was still in my power…to make the best of a bad situation.

That is something that NO ONE can take from you…except yourself.

And do you know what happens when you do?

Like a Phoenix burning bright in the sky,
I’ll show there’s another side to me you can’t deny.
I may not know what the future holds,
but hear me when I say
that my past does define
because my past is not today.

For me, I made a decision…

Yes, I am stuck in London. Yes, no one is coming to save us. I must save myself…and PanKwake. But I will NOT become a bitter, nasty person in the process. I will be happy just where I am. I will make the best of a bad situation.

And I re-activated my profile on an infamous dating website. I was NOT looking for the love of my life…because I did not think anyone was Crazzy enough to take us on. All I wanted…all I expected…was some friends to do things with on Sunday mornings. Movies, coffee, museums or just talk to…adult to adult.

Yet, Fate had other plans…I met Cookie Monster…and he did what I could not. He swooped in on the Great Western Railway (ironic since he is a trainee). And he saved us when I could not.

Can I promise you that the man or woman of your dreams will magically appear like some fairy tale or Disney movie? Save you in your darkest moment?

No, NO, I cannot. But I do know this…if I had given up…if I had given in to defeat and depression…I would not be here this morning. It was my decision to make the best of things…to not be defeated by the situation, even as bad as it was…that was what saved me in the end.

And that same…never give up, never surrender…even when you loose…spirit may be one of the things that Cookie loves most about me.

Sometimes in life we all have to suck one up, walk across the field of life, and shake hands with defeat. We can be bad sports and give up playing this game we call life. Or we can smile through the pain and tears…say…Congratulations to our opponent…and make the best of it. Go back to practice and life to fight another day.

Because that is the thing about life…you only truly loose when you give up.

So…

Let it go, let it go,
Turn away and slam the door.
I don’t care
what they’re going to say,
let the storm rage on.
The cold never bothered me anyway!

 

 

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